whateva whateva, I do what I want

I roll with twelve gangs.
--Eric Cartman

I, like so many others, have derived some of the most essential lessons of my life from watching South Park. But amid the many dozens of jewels of wisdom I have gleaned from Eric Cartman, one stands out as the most salient.

According to Wikipedia, Episode 82 (titled "Freak Strike") centers around Cartman landing himself a spot on Maury. You had me at hello.

Cartman records a "backstage clip" that is an absolutely spot-on satire of the real episodes of Maury about Out-of-Control Teens.



WARNING: NSFW



I don't go to school and I kill people. WHATEVA! I do what I want!


My father, who generally has very little patience for trash television, has a secret love of Out-of-Control-Teen talk shows. We used to watch them together all the time and find ourselves talking about an episode days later or weeks later, mimicking the Teens, gesticulating sassily with our index fingers. I think they must be out of style now because I don't see them on TV much anymore.

Anyway, this scene is a brilliant parody of Maury and all of the other talk shows that exploitshowcase Out-of-Control Teens, but it's also more.

Cartman's cry of whateva whateva I do what I want is primal and liberated and so right on with my life philosophy. It is my life philosophy. It's yours now too. I even translated it into Latin to make it sound like a university motto.



QUIDQUID QUIDQUID
QUODCUMQUE VOLO FACIO


Haters to the left. Do your thing, honey.


PS I promise to actually write about something next time